It starts as a pit in my belly.
A fluttering of my heart.
A quickness in my breath.
I get up and I grab for my phone.
Is everyone okay?
Did something horrible happen?
Why am I feeling like I forgot the most important thing in my life?
The practice of being with what is, and loving whatever arrises has been a challenge this past week.
I'm in the middle of building a business, being present for my clients, and being honest with my capacity for friends, free time, art and creating new projects.
So why am I sharing this with you?
Because this morning I wanted to stay in bed because it was too windy.
And there are times when I am too sad.
Or too tired.
Or too this, or too that.
And I am in the middle of learning how to honor, love and listen to what arrises, AND also keep my Eye focused on the present challenge:
Creating a Love Empire.
It is such a dance.
To honor what my body needs.
And to honor what my dreams need.
Finding the way to be with both - even when paradoxical.
So I sit in metta (loving-kindness) meditation.
I breathe deeply and remind myself that no matter what happens, I am here to love and take care of this one.
I let all my inner children and all of my inner worriers become present at the dinner table of my heart as I, as the principle consciousness, welcome them in with open arms and appetizers of complete allowing, acceptance and embracing.
While I sometimes wish that I didn't have to deal with this feeling at all, right now I am learning how to be with this part of myself.
I have a knowing that learning this, removing the shame around "anxiety" and also no longer searching for WHY I feel this way, is what allows me to share this now and also permits passage without (as much) need to hide it, fix it, or fade it.
I hold the presupposition that all experience is here - just for that.
To be experienced.
Allowed. Accepted. And embraced.
So even when it is uncomfortable, unusual, or unwanted, it is here for but one thing - to run through our nervous systems unencumbered by my need to figure it out.
So try that on today.
If there was NOTHING to shift -
If you were able to just be you, today -
No matter what you feel, or how accomplished, legitimate, authentic, or even true you are -
If you could just be you today, with it all ....
What would having that do for you?
With heart & soul,