Intimacy

The Dark and Light Dance

“They say there is no light without dark, no good without evil, no male without female, no right without wrong. That nothing can exist if it's direct opposite does not also exist.”
― Laurell K. Hamilton, Incubus Dreams

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How to Dance in the Dark & Light
The Balance of Life
WholeLifeNLP - Sacred JourneyNotes


Together we breathe as global and personal lessons deepen, the desire for community increases, and the yearning for personal and collective freedom can be heard from every heart. 
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This past week has been a real exploration of the Dark. 
Images in the media. 
World events. 
Personal trials. 
Feeling the swampy, heavy, Dark energy... that is deeply connected to the personal and collective patterning that is ready to clear now. 

As Lena Stevens from The Power Path shares with us ~ 

"...The first couple of weeks (of July) may not be an easy time. You may have to revisit your emotional psyche and do a bit of clearing. You may feel triggered, impatient, reactive, emotional, cranky, irritated, out of sorts, discouraged, overwhelmed, defensive, mistrusting, and have a general feeling that nothing is working in your life.

There is a pressure to transform something, but the clarity is not there yet. This too shall pass. Meet this time with discipline around your practices and self-care. Focusing on how you can better support yourself and who you are is key to your own personal transformation."

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So what to do in these times when the DARK is RIGHT HERE? 
The learning here for me has been - SLOW DOWN. 

Two days ago I was REALLY feeling this Dark energy. And I was scurrying around my home to get everything ready for a sacred event I was holding on the other side of town. Making sure I had everything on my list completed. My car loaded. The right clothes. That my hair was somewhat presentable. At the same time I could feel myself AVOIDING the Dark... Really needing to make SOMETHING HAPPEN FAST... so as not to let the Dark catch up with me... 

And in the middle of all of it, I crashed my water filter on the kitchen floor, destroyed the inside of my precious water filter, broke a huge glass bottle, and ended up spending the next hour "cooling down" and cleaning up the watery mess. 

After the crash, I sat on the couch.
And I asked my heart, my body, and even... the Dark...  
What are you needing?
What are you here to teach me?? 

She said...
in a whisper...
in sweetness... SLOW DOWN.
 
That trying to avoid the Dark only brings you deeper into the hyper-active, crazy-making, frantic energy that does not serve you, or anyone else. 

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The reframe here is: 
How to Dance with the Dark

Remember- 
There is nothing to fix. 
There is nothing to scream against. 
There is nothing to fight, and nothing to change. Right now. 

How can you learn to dance with an energy that most of the time, triggers avoidance, running away, scary feelings of gross, spooky, not for me, eww...

Can you slow down? For just a few moments.
And let this energy land.
It doesn't have to be in your body.
It can sit right next to you.
Because it has something it wants to say... 

Can you ask what this is here to teach you? 
Because the Sacred Paradox here is - 

Any action that comes from trying to CHANGE or AVIOD the Dark
will only result in MORE of that feeling.
 
 

The change (upgrade, shift, and relaxation) only happens when you allow yourself to explore - what is this here to teach me?... Allow the Dark a place to become a partner in your system, and notice what lesson it brings. 
 

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So the practice today is:

  • Notice how you feel about your life - recent events in the world - your own Sacred Journey
  • Take a moment to Honor the Dark. Welcome it in. Breathe in our shared current reality.  
  • Literally get into the Light - spending time in the Sun is an amazing way to Neuro-Chemically shift your perspective from Dark to Light 
  • Slow down. Focus on one item of Self-Care for today as a way to pay homage to the balance of Dark & Light. 

Questions for Dark & Light Contemplation: 

  1. What are you ready to Balance more now in your life? 
  2. Where would you like to stop resisting the Dark that keeps showing up to offer it's voice? 
  3. How much can you be with the "Dark" - even if it is just for a few breaths? 

 

And know that the shift, the re-balancing, always comes. 
“Remember that whatever it is you feed, that is what will grow. So feed the love, not the fear. The second half of the month brings with it the higher emotional center. This is the energy of love, connection, agape, a huge open heart and an experience of essence connection.

During this time, you may feel yourself greatly inspired to do something radical and outside your comfort zone. It is a time to connect with others, to feed your creativity, to come up with new ideas and to fall in love with yourself, your life and everything around you…” 


I honor you on this Journey. 

In this sacred learning together,

It's Either a Hell Yes, or a No

This is a re-blog post by Mama Gena from - http://www.mamagenas.com/your-truth/

Yo lady.

Who are you when it comes to stating your truth?
Your deep true truth.

Are you a she wolf? Proudly howling your truth out loud?
A mad dog? Rage first, talk later?
A wolf in sheep’s clothing? Smile on face, secret knife pointed towards the belly?
The silence of the lambs? You simply can’t say. Don’t know. Lost your compass.

As a mom of a teenage girl, I have a big interest in this question.
How can we navigate the world with confidence if we can’t find our truth?

Peggy Orenstein recently published her new book, Girls and Sex, Navigating the Complicated New Landscape. Part of her research won’t be news to us, disturbing as it may be. She reports that half the girls are participating in oral sex, sexting, and nonconsensual sex with boys in order to please the boys, in hopes that the boys will like them. Not because they want to. 

Orenstein says that young women are given no encouragement to understand their bodies, let alone their desires, and instead they grow up to understand sex as an act that is about pleasing others—rather than pleasuring themselves. 

Women. The portal to life. The sacred entry point of human life on this planet.
Reduced to a convenience store, a service station.

A woman’s deeply seated confidence cannot come from how many degrees she has, what kind of job she has landed or how well she is conforming to society’s expectations of her.

A girl’s—a woman’s—sense of confidence comes from how she feels in her body.
And how she feels about her body is, in part, a legacy, passed mother to daughter.
Which only works well when her mother thinks she is glorious, delicious and wondrous.
Which is an exceedingly rare perspective for a mama to have and to hold in this patriarchal world.

And the other part to her confidence comes from her learning to know and love her own instrument. Which is super hard in a world where women learn how to compromise before they learn to come.  

The generosity of woman is boundless. It’s our innate nature to fiercely create, care-take, love, embrace, appreciate.

But our custom has been to do all this caretaking from an empty well, rather than from a gloriously full tank. Filled with our dreams and desires prioritized and nurtured. Filled with a body that is known and loved and revered.

I’m interested in how this pattern influences our ability – or inability – to know and speak our truth. 

I notice that many of us, when faced with a decision or a moment of choice – whether it be a job, a blow job, a date, an invitation – we often take our attention off ourselves and we put it on other people, or on societal expectations, and whether we will please them, or disappoint them.
What will he think of me? Will they approve of me? Will I be accepted?
And we bypass our deepest truth without even noticing.

What we don’t know is that our deepest truth is something that not only we require, but the world requires. When we use our truth to make decisions, they become decisions that not only take us higher, but take everyone in our world higher. And when we bypass our truth, we take everyone down with us. 

One of Ornstein’s proposed solutions is for us to all move to the Netherlands. Dutch parents, teachers and kids talk about sex, condoms, pleasure and how to say yes and no. Which is so good to know that somewhere in this world, progress is being made.
But how can each of us make progress, right now?

How can we, right here, right now, step more powerfully into our hell yes or hell no?
The first step is the same step as when you want to uplevel your workouts, or change your eating habits, or start dating. Tell everyone. Letting people know that you are on a growth spurt helps to make it real.

I challenge you to experiment with a commitment to your own truth. 

Here are a few tips to help: 

1. Tell all your friends and fam that you want to try to locate your inner truth more consistently and that you are going to ask for their help with that. (You don’t need to know how you are going to do it, you just need to declare that you want to.)

2. Tell your pals, family and co-workers that from here, forward, every time they make a request of you, you are not going to answer them in that conversation. Rather, you are going to practice checking in with yourself, and you are going to count to 10, or take a short break before you answer them. This requires bravery and patience on your part.

3. Then, you are going to head to the nearest private space to connect. Get in a few deep breaths. Place your hand on your heart, on your pussy, on your belly.Feel. Really just stop the train for a few seconds. And ask – feel – what is my deepest truth? 

We, as women are so accustomed to pleasing others, folding on our desires, compromising ourselves, taking it for the team, putting our families first, that we don’t give ourselves time to sink into the divinity of our own truth and experience the enlightenment from within. 

It might be hard to hear much of anything at first, but I promise you, the more you do this, the more information you’ll get. It’s all in there.  

A faint whisper turns into a dialogue, which turns into the greatest collaboration of your life—you and your higher power, working together as a team, to stand for your value, each and every day.  Rather than sidestepping your value. Or diminishing your value. 

And by standing for your truth in this gentle yet powerful way, you are standing for a world of women and girls, to stand for theirs.

In the comments below, let’s collaborate and learn together.

  • Where is the easiest place for you to hear your deepest truth? With your friends? Family? With strangers?
  • Where is the most difficult place for you to check in and listen to what you truly long to say? At work? With your husband? Kids? New lover?
  • What’s your edge? Where do want to find a way to step into a truth you have been sitting on?
  • And how does it make you feel when you witness a woman stepping bravely into her power? Can you tell when she’s holding back? Can you tell when you are holding back?

 
For the girls of today, the women of tomorrow – it starts with you. In this culture, a commitment to your own truth is a revolutionary act.

xo, 

 

 

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Briana Cavion, MA, MAnlp

Briana is a Communication and Relationship Coach for WholeLife Neuro-Linguistic Programing (wholelifenlp.com).  She has been described as having a "magical" way of helping her clients identify and release what has been slowing them down, sabotaging their path, and stopping them from living the life they most desire. She coaches to reignite personal freedom, flourishing relationships, soulful leadership, and authentic communication. She works with the presupposition that life is an incredible opportunity to create the truest expression of your highest purpose, greatest impact, and deepest gifts.  

How a Highly Sensitive Girl Learned to Walk Around the in the World

“Nothing is worth more than laughter. It is strength to laugh and to abandon oneself, to be light. Tragedy is the most ridiculous thing.” - Frida Kahlo

 

I have this funny sensitivity about being laughed at. It used to be a lot worse. I have that side of me that loves to laugh with others, and I am a BIG goof ball. 

Teased as a kid growing up, I have that sensitivity that the moment it switches to laughter directed at me, alarms go off. And, it has taken me YEARS to create more space for it... 

When it used to start, even the smallest comment directed toward me with a giggle would instantly initiate tears. Made me such perfect bully-bait. Just. That. Sensitive. 

And then I got into my teen years and began my addiction. Yep. I was an addict, on an off for about 10 years with the behavior, I used various forms of intensely controlling food intake in order to, what I have now discovered, control my emotional experience. Being as sensitive as I am, I felt like I NEEDED to protect myself. Besides the horrible side effects of malnourishment, and the psychologically doozy this addiction contributed too, having something to BARRIER me from the laughter of others, and my own self-critiques, was very useful.

So here I am, 30. And I still find myself extraordinarily sensitive to comments and feelings of other people, especially when they are directed at me. I did a lot of NLP work around this subject. Being a Highly Sensitive Girl, or what I have been referring to as a Hyper-Empath, this very subject is what drove me to study and ultimately share the work I do today. So this feeling of constantly being under attack has evolved (and is still growing) into the work I share here. 

So insight into the journey... Below are four key lessons that support my ability to walk around the in the world and not feel constantly under attack. (And as always, still a work in deep progress!) 

1. Have a practice to dive into and get to the ROOT of the issue. 

For me, it was NLP. It allowed me to sit with a Coach Practitioner and for him to guide me to get to the bottom of my insecurity, rather than pop-corning around from story to story and trying to figure out "what I did wrong" or "what they did wrong." Nope. I had done years of traditional talk-therapy and I was getting NO WHERE. The drama stopped being so important to me of who said what to me, and I got really CURIOUS as to what was FEEDING my insecurity. Once I addressed the root, I felt free. From there, I have been able to work with the following three steps.  

2. Learn how to be alone.

This may sound strange, but learning to have a relationship with myself that I love has been VITAL to me being okay with whatever anyone else says or feels about me. I love to be with me, and I am learning through that love, that whatever anyone else says about me, really has nothing to do with me. Being alone has taught me how not to take things so personally. Because at the end of the day, I like this one. A lot. 

3. Learn how not to take yourself SO seriously. 

I am attracted to intense situations, and the work I do calls me into presence with the shadows and sometimes the deepest personal trauma of others. And I love it. Meanwhile, I have learned to be lighter on my feet, and remember to LAUGH AT MYSELF, FIRST. Especially when I start to create really serious stories in my head. Take a big belly breath. Yep, all the way down into my womb, and find that place in me that knows, that this whole thing, is just ridiculous. And funny. 

4. Create boundaries. 

Ha! Ask any one who is close to me, and they know that I am "VERY SENSITIVE." This has been a journey, and continues to be. Along the way I have learned how to ask for gentleness, kindness, apologies, and even space from others for myself to feel and digest.

I have learned to create boundaries.

Often when I was in a state where I was feeling attacked, I would GO ON ATTACK and DEMAND what I needed. Or I would shut down, move away, run away from the person and situation. Now, I am more aware that I am here in relationship with others to learn and grow. So expressing boundaries in a LOVING WAY, while also not giving away my power, has been vital to be able to show up, and stick around.  

How do you create boundaries?

Answer the two following questions:

What is not negotiable? AND What am I willing to concede on? 

Also, with boundaries, knowing that it is NOT my job to make people happy, all the time. This comes from that sensitive part of me that wants to people please and is worried about "what they might think of me." I now know that if I give away that vital part of my heart, I will only build resentment towards others. 

 

I am still sensitive. 

And, I now feel safe enough with myself to walk around unarmored. 

I feel more open to exploring this world without having to protect myself.

I take care of myself.

And when I do that, there is nothing to protect. 

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Briana Cavion, MA, MAnlp

Briana is a Communication and Relationship Coach for WholeLife Neuro-Linguistic Programing (wholelifenlp.com).  She has been described as having a "magical" way of helping her clients identify and release what has been slowing them down, sabotaging their path, and stopping them from living the life they most desire. She coaches to reignite personal freedom, flourishing relationships, soulful leadership, and authentic communication. She works with the presupposition that life is an incredible opportunity to create the truest expression of your highest purpose, greatest impact, and deepest gifts.