How a Highly Sensitive Girl Learned to Walk Around the in the World

“Nothing is worth more than laughter. It is strength to laugh and to abandon oneself, to be light. Tragedy is the most ridiculous thing.” - Frida Kahlo

 

I have this funny sensitivity about being laughed at. It used to be a lot worse. I have that side of me that loves to laugh with others, and I am a BIG goof ball. 

Teased as a kid growing up, I have that sensitivity that the moment it switches to laughter directed at me, alarms go off. And, it has taken me YEARS to create more space for it... 

When it used to start, even the smallest comment directed toward me with a giggle would instantly initiate tears. Made me such perfect bully-bait. Just. That. Sensitive. 

And then I got into my teen years and began my addiction. Yep. I was an addict, on an off for about 10 years with the behavior, I used various forms of intensely controlling food intake in order to, what I have now discovered, control my emotional experience. Being as sensitive as I am, I felt like I NEEDED to protect myself. Besides the horrible side effects of malnourishment, and the psychologically doozy this addiction contributed too, having something to BARRIER me from the laughter of others, and my own self-critiques, was very useful.

So here I am, 30. And I still find myself extraordinarily sensitive to comments and feelings of other people, especially when they are directed at me. I did a lot of NLP work around this subject. Being a Highly Sensitive Girl, or what I have been referring to as a Hyper-Empath, this very subject is what drove me to study and ultimately share the work I do today. So this feeling of constantly being under attack has evolved (and is still growing) into the work I share here. 

So insight into the journey... Below are four key lessons that support my ability to walk around the in the world and not feel constantly under attack. (And as always, still a work in deep progress!) 

1. Have a practice to dive into and get to the ROOT of the issue. 

For me, it was NLP. It allowed me to sit with a Coach Practitioner and for him to guide me to get to the bottom of my insecurity, rather than pop-corning around from story to story and trying to figure out "what I did wrong" or "what they did wrong." Nope. I had done years of traditional talk-therapy and I was getting NO WHERE. The drama stopped being so important to me of who said what to me, and I got really CURIOUS as to what was FEEDING my insecurity. Once I addressed the root, I felt free. From there, I have been able to work with the following three steps.  

2. Learn how to be alone.

This may sound strange, but learning to have a relationship with myself that I love has been VITAL to me being okay with whatever anyone else says or feels about me. I love to be with me, and I am learning through that love, that whatever anyone else says about me, really has nothing to do with me. Being alone has taught me how not to take things so personally. Because at the end of the day, I like this one. A lot. 

3. Learn how not to take yourself SO seriously. 

I am attracted to intense situations, and the work I do calls me into presence with the shadows and sometimes the deepest personal trauma of others. And I love it. Meanwhile, I have learned to be lighter on my feet, and remember to LAUGH AT MYSELF, FIRST. Especially when I start to create really serious stories in my head. Take a big belly breath. Yep, all the way down into my womb, and find that place in me that knows, that this whole thing, is just ridiculous. And funny. 

4. Create boundaries. 

Ha! Ask any one who is close to me, and they know that I am "VERY SENSITIVE." This has been a journey, and continues to be. Along the way I have learned how to ask for gentleness, kindness, apologies, and even space from others for myself to feel and digest.

I have learned to create boundaries.

Often when I was in a state where I was feeling attacked, I would GO ON ATTACK and DEMAND what I needed. Or I would shut down, move away, run away from the person and situation. Now, I am more aware that I am here in relationship with others to learn and grow. So expressing boundaries in a LOVING WAY, while also not giving away my power, has been vital to be able to show up, and stick around.  

How do you create boundaries?

Answer the two following questions:

What is not negotiable? AND What am I willing to concede on? 

Also, with boundaries, knowing that it is NOT my job to make people happy, all the time. This comes from that sensitive part of me that wants to people please and is worried about "what they might think of me." I now know that if I give away that vital part of my heart, I will only build resentment towards others. 

 

I am still sensitive. 

And, I now feel safe enough with myself to walk around unarmored. 

I feel more open to exploring this world without having to protect myself.

I take care of myself.

And when I do that, there is nothing to protect. 

----

Briana Cavion, MA, MAnlp

Briana is a Communication and Relationship Coach for WholeLife Neuro-Linguistic Programing (wholelifenlp.com).  She has been described as having a "magical" way of helping her clients identify and release what has been slowing them down, sabotaging their path, and stopping them from living the life they most desire. She coaches to reignite personal freedom, flourishing relationships, soulful leadership, and authentic communication. She works with the presupposition that life is an incredible opportunity to create the truest expression of your highest purpose, greatest impact, and deepest gifts.  

 

 

 

The Invitation

This is one of my favorite poems of all times. 

And I want to share it with you. 

dreamer

 

The Invitation

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer


It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

 

__________

Briana L. Cavion, MA, MAnlp

Briana is a Coach Practitioner for WholeLife Neuro-Linguistic Programing (wholelifenlp.com). She and her clients get real about what is working (and not) in their careers and relationships. Together they walk the journey to discover personal power, soulful leadership and authentic communication. She works from the premise that life is not about one goal achieved after another, or one relationship onto the next, but an incredible opportunity to create the truest expression of your highest purpose, greatest impact, and deepest gifts.  

 

 

How to speak to your Inner Child

I was hiking with a girlfriend a few weeks ago and she and I got into a deep into a process where it was obvious that who was running the show was anyone other than the 30-something woman standing in front of me. 

"Have you done any inner child work?" 

I asked her, lovingly. 

In that moment, I recalled an amazing process of communicating with my inner child. I remembered a pain from a past moment, specifically in a lover-relationship, where I felt super triggered. They had said just the right thing to me - "You did it wrong, again." And I could feel the four year-old version of me just cringe, and want to scream and cry and run away. 

So here is the process, for you, and also for my dear hiking-buddy who I promised to send this to, rather than coach her on our hike. (I love you, IV!)

Most of the time I lead clients through this process, they are speaking it out-loud to me. For this version, get your favorite journal and writing utensil to work with your Inner Child. 

1. Find the place in your body where the sensation is happening, the strongest. For me, when I felt triggered, I could feel a pain deep in my belly. 

2. See if you can get really clear WHAT the sensation is - is it sharp, dull, hot, cold, moving, stagnant, fast, slow, medium... is it pulsating? Is it electric? Find at least 5 descriptive words for it. Sharp, deep, moving, slow, and hot were my words. 

3. Next, take a deep breath into the sensation. Without making it move or trying to change it, just breathe into the sensation. In the best way you can, see if you can even WELCOME it, just a tiny bit. Welcome it for showing up. Welcome it for giving you feedback about something that is ready to be touched. Loved. Seen. 

4. Breathing deeper into the sensation, allow yourself to hone into the most intense part of the most intense part of the sensation. The "bull's eye" of the sensation, if you will. Write down the exact sensations you are feeling at the center of the bull's eye. 

5. As you take your next breath, allow yourself to pull this sensation about 2 feet in front of you. Welcome this experience as you take a look at what you are seeing, and what you are feeling, writing down your experience (what you see and feel) as you go along. 

6. Ask the sensation, that is now outside of you, what age it is. It will usually be the first number that comes from your intuition. Once you have that age, say thank you, and write it down.

7. Now, it is time to write, deeply. 

Write a letter AS this version of you, the 2 year old, 4 your old, or 6 year old, to yourself now. Allow ALL emotion, needs, wants and desires to pour forth. 

8. When you finish the letter tell this little one, thank you. 

9. Breathing, read the letter out-loud to yourself, as if you WERE this little one, reading it to your adult self. 

10. When you are complete, say thank you to this little one for sharing. 

11. Now as the adult, write a letter to this little one. Allow yourself to use language that this little one would understand. Comfort him/her as you would your own child. Speak tenderly, and acknowledge their innocence.  When you are complete, read this letter out-loud to your little one. 

12. Take a moment to breathe, and say thank you to your adult self, and your child self for showing up. 

And that is one of the many processes that we use to communicate with the younger versions of ourselves. Try it out, and let us know how it works for you. 

 

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Briana Cavion, MA, MAnlp

Briana is a Communication and Relationship Coach for WholeLife Neuro-Linguistic Programing (wholelifenlp.com). She and her clients get real about what is working (and not) in their careers and relationships. She has been described as having a "magical" way of helping her clients identify and release what has been slowing them down, stopping them and sabotaging their communication and relationships. Together they journey to discover personal power, soulful leadership and authentic communication. She works from the premise that life is not about one goal achieved after another, or one relationship onto the next, but an incredible opportunity to create the truest expression of your highest purpose, greatest impact and deepest gifts.  

 

How to be Amazing at Communication in Business

It isn't easy being a business owner or an entrepreneur. We live in a world where the markets are growing daily, our client's and customer's needs and wants are cross-wired, and oftentimes ethics seems to be the last thing on anyone's list. Things can get confusing, fast. Especially if we CARE at all about what we are doing. 

That seems to really get us in trouble. Until now. 

 

Because not only do we care about the product or service we are offering, we also care about the WHY, the intention, of the company. And we not only care about our clients and customers, we also care about the relationships we have with employee's and partners. 

So often our desire in opening our own business or expanding was to CREATE more freedom... and then we spend the majority of time putting out the fires of miscommunication, over-passionate expressions (oftentimes our own!) and all those unintended consequences... 

Whew. 

Now, I am not here to discourage you from owning or starting your own business. Quite the contrary. It has been one of the biggest spiritual undertakings for me to step into Conscious Creative Capitalism, and I now am a Communication and Relationship Coach Practitioner on the very subject. And I say all of this, because there is HOPE! I have walked down this fire path, and I want so share the BEST insights that my clients and I have discovered together along the way. And also this passion, this care that you have, can HELP you be an AMAZING communicator in business and in all of your relationships. With some insight and focus, you will see how you can turn these once difficult attributes into fuel for your business (and relationship) engine! 

So here's the short and sweet list of "How to be amazing at Communication in your Business (and pretty much all Relationships)": 

-  Identify and upgrade your own self-limiting beliefs

- Practice really getting their map (learn to listen to what was actually being said)

- Discover and start every conversation with "The Common Why"

Diving deeper... 

 

1. Get through to those Limiting Beliefs. 

What is a Limiting Belief? Well, it is the basis of what we we work with in WLnlp. It is any belief that we have about ourself or the world that confines to to behave in safe, small ways.

For example, I had a difficult time giving my business partner feedback, because I had the fear that he would not accept it, and turn it around as a criticism on me. 

I did WLnlp work on SELF ACCEPTANCE and cleared up my need to get that "outside of myself" stamp of approval. I was then able to approach him without needing the VALIDATION from him about my work. I could also give him constructive feedback without fear of retaliation. The final benefit I saw from clearing my self-limiting beliefs specifically was that I was also able to ask for recognition for my work without that neediness vibe that we are ALL sensitive too. I could state my desire, without the worry that it would or would not be met. And in the stating of it, the need for it to be JUST THE WAY I THOUGHT I NEEDED IT, was gone. It was SO FREEING. Just asking for what I needed became the way to fulfill the need. WLnlp is the deep inner work that I dove into to get really clear on how to do this. You can find out more about it by clicking here.

 

2. Practice Getting their Map of Reality

Everyone has a Map of Reality. 

Your Map is different then my Map. 

However, we have similarities. You are reading and understanding the language that I am sharing with you now. You obviously have some interest in business and communication. You also are probably someone who wants to focus on high-performance/transformational leadership for optimal health, wealth, and well being. 

In Amazing Business Communication, your focus needs to be the MAP. First your's. Which comes through knowing yourself. Meditation, self-work, introspection, Journaling, and WLnlp are all amazing ways to start to exercise this relationship with yourself. 

Your second - and just as important focus is - THEIR MAP.

What is their Map of Reality? How is it similar to yours? How is it different? What question(s) could you ask right now to help you understand the structure of their understanding of the situation? 

Questions such as:

"What do you value most in this situation?"

"What would your ideal outcome for today be?"

"What is your intention for today's meeting?"

"What do you love most about your position at this company?"

Are all very basic, but great questions to BEGIN to understand someone else's interpretation of reality - their Map.  

After you ask the question, allow yourself TIME TO DIGEST THEIR ANSWER. Ask a few clarifying questions. Do what you can to really GET their MAP of Reality. This may take practice especially if you are "leader" in the old-school sense. Leadership is no longer someone who stands at the head of the group and tells everyone what to do. This just doesn't work anymore. Leadership is the one who can understand the WHY of the group, and from that place inspire action. 

The best way to do this is to get to know the terrain of their Map of Reality. 

 

3. Finding "The Common Why" - FIRST

So you are both in the same office. Or on the same phone call. Or in the same retail store. Or whatever the environment is, you both are here, sharing space. There is a common reason for this, and no, it ain't just the money. That can be a big motivator, especially at the beginning, but it isn't what creates loyalty or relationships over time. It is VITAL for the success of any business to get so clear on the COMMON WHY between the provider and the customer and even more CRITICAL between employees, peers, and those who are leading this endeavor. 

If there is not a clear common why, you will see big employee turnover, and giant communication blowouts. 

The best way to avoid a communication blowout is to get to the COMMON WHY, FIRST. 

Why are we all here today? 

What do we all have invested today that we share? 

What has us say yes to spend the majority of our waking hours with each other, in this way? 

What is the BIGGER VISION that we are all dedicated to in this company? 

NOTE: If you are unclear as you what your PERSONAL WHY is, it is going to be doubly challenging to find a COMMON WHY. A strong leader is someone who knows how to guide their employees, client, or customers to understand and buy into a COMMON WHY. This only works with a strong and clear PERSONAL WHY. WLnlp is a great place to start to get so clear on your PERSONAL WHY and create the magnetism around you to be a professional and natural leader. 

As you may already sense, these three insights will not only support you in business communication, but in all forms of communication. When you have cleared up the limiting beliefs about yourself, when you really practicing getting their Map of Reality, and when you can come to a COMMON WHY, communication can flow much more creatively, openly and effectively. 

 

----

Briana Cavion, MA, MAnlp

Briana is a Communication and Relationship Coach for WholeLife Neuro-Linguistic Programing (wholelifenlp.com). She and her clients get real about what is working (and not) in their careers and relationships. She has been described as having a "magical" way of helping her clients identify and release what has been slowing them down, stopping them and sabotaging their communication and relationships. Together they journey to discover personal power, soulful leadership and authentic communication. She works from the premise that life is not about one goal achieved after another, or one relationship onto the next, but an incredible opportunity to create the truest expression of your highest purpose, greatest impact and deepest gifts.  

 

The Power of Apology

I set out to share with a deep love of mine the importance of an apology, especially in any type of intimate relationship (romantic, business partner, family member etc). 

An apology is a tool to create a safe space to begin a dialogue between you and the other person. Especially when there has been a disagreement, misunderstanding, miscommunication, or an outright outburst! It is a place to "lay down your sword" and an invitation to the other person to do the same. It is a rest, rather than a battle. A place of intentional peace making, rather than antagonizing.  

An apology is a place where all parties involved have an opportunity to take responsibility for their piece in the interaction. Nobody's perfect and both of you have something wonderful to LEARN from the interaction. 

When you apologize, you also acknowledge that you engaged in behavior that was other than what you would like to express, or in behavior that hurt the other person. Even if what you did was perfectly okay for you, acknowledging that you may have caused harm to the other person allows the dialogue to begin, and for you to take a moment and step into empathy - really "getting their world." 

Taking responsibility for your actions is one of the most empowering acts we can do as a human being. It allows us to claim our position and also understand what we are going to look at, learn from, and attempt to do differently in the future. 

Why is it so difficult?

Apologies take vulnerability, and vulnerability takes courage. You are putting down your sword first. This does not guarantee that the other(s) involved will do the same. There is a risk. 

Oftentimes shame and embarrassment from the actions can come up. And, we live in a culture where saying "sorry" can be seen as weak. But it is just the opposite. It is a powerful tool for you to learn from the interaction, and invite the person you are relating to, to do the same. 

So HOW DO YOU APOLOGIZE? 

Always state that you would like to apologize. I usually ask for the other person to hear my fully before sharing their side. 

1. Acknowledge what you did. 

State exactly what you did  without justifying anything. Honoring the lack of commitment you were able to meet, or the falling short of what you would have liked to have done. Be specific. Be concise. No need to beat yourself up, just state the facts as clearly as you can. Breathe and speak slowly.  

Eg: "This morning I spoke loudly and stormed out of the room without listening to the rest of what you had to say." 

2. Empathize with the person about what you did. 

Why are you apologizing? No need to make assumptions, just do you best to step into the other person's experience and share from your heart. 

For example, "I imagine when I yelled at you this morning you might have felt sad and distanced." 

This will help the other person feel like you are on their team. That you sword is now down, and out of reach. That you are willing to reach outside of your own experience and "get their world." And when done simply, and from the heart, it will feel really good for you, and for them. 

3. Commit to a solution with yourself and with the other person. 

This is a way to show that you are willing to take responsibility for your actions BEYOND just this event. This is really where the learning can come in most powerfully from our intimate relationships 

"I am committing to myself to explore why I express myself with so much anger towards you. I am also committing to work on being gentler with you, especially in the morning." 

I have heard that a step here would be to promise to not do this behavior again. However I find that problematic. We are human, and it is very likely that you WILL do this again. Especially if you are working in a pattern in an intimate relationship. Commit to doing your best, and do it. I invite you to never commit to something that you cannot complete. 

4. Apologize & Ask for Forgiveness

Yes. There are TWO steps in one here.
One, to say I am sorry, and repeat the behavior that you are apologizing for. And second, is to invite them to participate in this process of making amends. 

"I am sorry for _______"
"Would you please forgive me?"

This gives the other person(s) a moment to respond and also allows them to find the place in their heart to ACCEPT your apology. 

So there it is. 
Clean.
Simple. 
Apology 101.

Try it out, and let me know how it works for you. 

To the journey, 

Briana 

 

-----

Briana Cavion, MA, MAnlp

Briana is a Communication and Relationship Coach for WholeLife Neuro-Linguistic Programing (wholelifenlp.com). She and her clients get real about what is working (and not) in their careers and relationships. She has been described as having a "magical" way of helping her clients identify and release what has been slowing them down, stopping them and sabotaging their communication and relationships. Together they journey to discover personal power, soulful leadership and authentic communication. She works from the premise that life is not about one goal achieved after another, or one relationship onto the next, but an incredible opportunity to create the truest expression of your highest purpose, greatest impact and deepest gifts.  

 

 

Just a Reminder

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Briana Cavion, MA, MAnlp

Briana is a Communication and Relationship Coach for WholeLife Neuro-Linguistic Programing (wholelifenlp.com). She and her clients get real about what is working (and not) in their careers and relationships. She has been described as having a "magical" way of helping her clients identify and release what has been slowing them down, stopping them and sabotaging their communication and relationships. Together they journey to discover personal power, soulful leadership and authentic communication. She works from the premise that life is not about one goal achieved after another, or one relationship onto the next, but an incredible opportunity to create the truest expression of your highest purpose, greatest impact and deepest gifts.  

 

How to Create a WholeLife Vision Board

What is a WholeLife Vision Board? 

A WL Vision Board is a creative project to get your feelings and Desired Outcomes in front of you. 

What you resists, persists. 

And where your attention goes, energy flows. 

This is a practice of FOCUSING attention on YOUR GREATER VISION. 

Who does a WholeLife Vision Board?

If you have a Vision that is not yet in your life, then creating a WL Vision Board will support you as an everyday practice of getting in alignment with this greater vision. 

How to create a WholeLife Vision Board: 

Use your WholeLife Journal and write a list of Goals you would like for your life.

  • Be specific, I would like to make $XXXX, I would like to meet my soul mate etc.
  • Make sure to include one from each SECTION of your WholeLife:  
    • HEALTH (Body)
    • LOVE (Intimate Relationships) 
    • COMMUNITY (Family, Mentors, Mentees & Friends) 
    • PROSPERITY (Wealth & Flow of Money) 
    • PURPOSE (Your Life’s Gift & Work) 
    • SPIRIT (Your Connection to Source) 

 

  • In addition to the WHAT you want, write out how it makes your FEEL. 
  • EX: I want to make $XXXX/month so I can feel free to share my gift. 
  • Use magazines, old books, and even online images and quotes that represent the fulfillment of the FEELINGS that you listed.
  • Make sure to include images of all various SECTIONS of yourself and what is important to you. 
  • You can include quotes or words that represent or say what you want to feel or experience
  • You can save images that you see later that resonate with you in a box, and add them later, or create another WL Vision Board down the line!  
  • You an draw, paint, or add any other details you would like. Allow yourself to be creative and unconventional
  • You can also include your own quotes and KEY WORDS that get you into the FEELING of your Vision State. 
  • Your canvas can be wood, an actual canvas, a piece of cardboard, a cork-board, poster board, or anything else you would like. Take what you have collected and arrange then glue, tape or seal down these images and words. 
  •  Place your WL Vision Board somewhere you will see it often. 
    • Some ideas include -
      • On the wall, right above your computer screen
      • Right next to the mirror you use the most 
      • The last thing you see before you head out the door. 
      • As the first thing you see when you wake up. 

 

Have fun, and send me pictures!

With heart, 

Briana & The WholeLife Team 

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Briana Cavion, MA, MAnlp

Briana is a Communication and Relationship Coach for WholeLife Neuro-Linguistic Programing (wholelifenlp.com). She and her clients get real about what is working (and not) in their careers and relationships. She has been described as having a "magical" way of helping her clients identify and release what has been slowing them down, stopping them and sabotaging their communication and relationships. Together they journey to discover personal power, soulful leadership and authentic communication. She works from the premise that life is not about one goal achieved after another, or one relationship onto the next, but an incredible opportunity to create the truest expression of your highest purpose, greatest impact and deepest gifts.  

 

 

My True Nature - a poem

 

they told me my nature was to be my best

i knew my nature was already perfection

 

they told me that my nature was to compete

i knew my nature was to collaborate

 

they told me my nature was to make lots of money

i knew my nature was to make lots of love

 

they told me that my nature was to want more more more!

i knew my nature was to grow grow grow

 

they told me that my nature was to question everything

i knew my nature was to learn from everything

 

they told me my nature was evil. sinful. selfish.

i knew my nature was life. soulful. selfless.

 

they told me i would follow always and be true to my kind

i knew that i was a leader and i am true to truth

 

they told me my heart, body and mind belonged to them

i knew all was mine as creator. infinite. unconfined.

 

they told me many things

i knew to be first with me

they first thing they said to me

i knew it was for my heart to measure

 

----

Briana Cavion, MA, MAnlp

Briana is a Communication and Relationship Coach for WholeLife Neuro-Linguistic Programing (wholelifenlp.com). She and her clients get real about what is working (and not) in their careers and relationships. She has been described as having a "magical" way of helping her clients identify and release what has been slowing them down, stopping them and sabotaging their communication and relationships. Together they journey to discover personal power, soulful leadership and authentic communication. She works from the premise that life is not about one goal achieved after another, or one relationship onto the next, but an incredible opportunity to create the truest expression of your highest purpose, greatest impact and deepest gifts.  

 

 

10 Things I Learned Being Ethically Non-Monogamous

 

Okay. So the truth is that a few months ago, someone on Tinder, (yep I was on Tinder) asked me about something that I had written in my profile. What was it? You guessed it, I included - “Ethically Non-Monogamous” 

Because I love to text on that stupidly small keyboard on my phone, I came up with 10 different things I have learned about being ENM. #8 was created by my dear friend, and partner in developing the concept of ENM, Kris.  

And, I have to admit, I am no expert. 

More often than not, I have “defaulted” to monogamy. 

And then, after that, anywhere between 3 months and a year I get tired. 

Exhausted. 

Worried that I am playing small. 

Or rather, making myself small in order to feel love. Again. 

 

So then I discovered, accidentally yes, Ethically Non-Monogamous. 

It is three words together that I made up. Though influenced by Polyamory, open relationships, and authentic relating, Ethically Non-Monogamous is based on one main principle: Ethical Choice. You do not HAVE to be in open relationships and you do not have to be in a monogamous relationship. You get to make a choice. 

Ethical Non-Monogamy is a perspective and set of guidelines for sexual and intimate relationships. ENM does not default to 1x1 intensive boyfriend/girlfriend relating as the end goal. Rather, it allows one to take the time to enjoy people and give yourself, and them, the freedom, respect, security, and love that we are all really looking for. For me it was also a way to take action and explore a relationship dynamic that allowed me to play outside of the normalized “must make myself be girlfriend now” zombie-esque programing. 

So here they are - 

The most 10 important things I have learned about being ENM:

1. Don't make promises, ever. But stick by your commitments & communicate clearly if you cannot complete the agreed upon terms. Be willing to apologize when you are not able to stick by your commitments, or when you hurt someone's feelings. Click here to read about The Power of Apology. 

2. Tell 100% of the truth, with 100% empathy & care. This especially goes for the items that feel *sticky* (ex's, other lovers etc). If it comes up, and you don’t want to say it, say it.  

3. Give space for the other person to have their own experience (emotional, sexual, spiritual, physical etc) without needing to change it. Code here: that person DOES NOT want you to fix them. On any level. Even if they are telling you - “fix me!” - don’t do it. It will drain your energy and eventually you will resent them, and they you.

4. Create a safe space for yourself & others to communicate expectations, desires, gratitudes, needs & hurts. Meaning, allow yourself to communicate expectations, desires, gratitudes, needs & hurts. Safe-porting is a great way to do this. Safe-porting is a practice that someone taught me a long time ago (I would really love to give some credit here, but I just can’t seem to figure out to whom…)  

  1. Name what you are going to do, before you do it. Example: “Hey, I want to tell you a need of mine.” 
  2. Make a request: “Would you mind just listening until I am complete? Then I would love to know how this impacts you.”
  3. Show gratitude, and ask for their input: “Thank you for listening. And I would love to know, how did what I say impact you?” 

5. When in question, be gentle. Most people are walking around with a broken heart, either self-recognized or not. 

6. Show yourself and your partner(s) gratitude for being awesome and not just falling into the mold of "typical" relationships 

7. Remember that Non-monogamy is not an easier, cooler, or more exciting a way to fuck a lot of people. It is a way to explore another form of mindful relationships, and requires MORE - not less - attention, love, care & consciousness. And, with ethics, you can choose to date and fuck a lot of people without that feeling like you are letting others down, leading them on, or being an ass hole. 

8. Then in the end, you leave everyone better off and more full of love and joy than before they met you. That's the beauty of doing everything out in the open and with tenderness is you end up showing people by example that you can have your cake and fuck it too.

9. If you do DECIDE to go into a 1x1 monogamous relationship, it is done mindfully, with the desire and full on excitement of both people. If one partner wants monogamy, and the other does not, ENM says, no, I do not compromise my life for another. I will however listen to you, and share with you 100% honesty and 100% empathy. 

10. Have fun. Explore with curiosity and allow yourself to be open to the newness of creating your own version of ENM. 

So how has it worked for me? 

I practiced ENM for several months, and related to many different types of people. Earlier in 2016 I met someone and we decided to enter into a 1x1 monogamous relationship. We both wanted it, fully. And we still use many of the ENM principles in our current relationship. It feels good to be here now, based on choice, and the desire to be in this relationship, rather than it being something that I defaulted to, or "fell" into one day. 

The journey into relationship of any kind is extraordinarily personal, based on where you are at, and what you are wanting to explore. Above all, bring choice to your relationship(s) so that they can be a place for fun and healing. 

----

Briana Cavion, MA, MAnlp

Briana is a Communication and Relationship Coach for WholeLife Neuro-Linguistic Programing (wholelifenlp.com). She and her clients get real about what is working (and not) in their careers and relationships. She has been described as having a "magical" way of helping her clients identify and release what has been slowing them down, stopping them and sabotaging their communication and relationships. Together they journey to discover personal power, soulful leadership and authentic communication. She works from the premise that life is not about one goal achieved after another, or one relationship onto the next, but an incredible opportunity to create the truest expression of your highest purpose, greatest impact and deepest gifts.  

 

The Sutra of the Inevitable

Written by a teacher/friend of a teacher/friend...

 

THE SUTRA OF THE INEVITABLE

John Kimmey passed away on Easter Sunday, April 24,2011 al 11:11 pm.

He was my dearest friend. I called him my elder brother.

We were both Aries and he was ten years older than me.

We have much in common.

John saved me at a time when I was a very broken man.

He changed my life forever. His passing brought me to a huge catharsis.

John dictated this “Sutra” to me. I don’t know what else to call it.

He wrote it, I channeled it. I have never channeled written messages before. John was fastidious in his dictation and re-wrote many lines until they sounded perfect. It is poetry and it is something else. Some of these messages are probably directed to me, but as they unfolded I understood them to be universal messages for all folks. John would want these words shared. Please feel free to pass this letter around among his friends and circles.

Last December when I participated in our kiva ritual, I worked on John the night before our dance. His and my old friend Jimmy Reyna (who passed away 12 years ago) appeared and told me John couldn’t be cured and that he would die very soon. I didn’t tell John this but I think he knew. It took all I had not to reveal my feelings at the time. I am haunted by those beautiful last days with John. I knew I would never see him again.

One thing we did talk about was death and John promised to visit with me after he passed away. I had forgotten about his promise but now it all comes back at me like a tsunami.

When you commune with the deceased, the language is spoken in tears, tears of joy and tears of sobering reality.

The day before John passed away he sent me an e-mail telling me his time had come and to please call him. He asked me to meet him on the Rainbow Path “anyway you can”, a reference to a song I wrote for him a while back. I got the e-mail two days after he was gone......but the call went through anyway.

- Michael Bailot

This is what John has to say:

PART 1: FRIENDSHIP

1. This is shaking you up

Because it forces you to acknowledge

That you also will die,

And soon enough.

A year, ten years, twenty max.

Will you leave your books unwritten,

Your work unfinished,

Your story untold?

2. You are a grown up now.

Wake up to the fact

That you are now an elder

And act the part.

Dispense with adolescent ways.

Be the teacher, be the sage.

3. There is no bigger waste of our short lives

Than the time lost

Arguing, fighting, and in conflict.

Avoid this type of abhorrent behavior.

4. You must remember to honor and visualize

Your circle of disincarnate friends.

Visit us often,

Particularly when in need.

We wait for you in love

And divine friendship.

5. The amount of love a man can contain in his heart

ls commensurate with

The degree he has been able to sacifice

When put to the test.

6. Family and friends

Are practically the only thing you recall

After passing away.

They, therefore,

Have great power and influence.

We cherish family and friends.

7. You got it right about one thing:

Our lives are predestined,

As is the moment of our last breath.

8. The inner voice is the best friend

You could ever have.

It never dies,

Nor never ceases to love and protect and instruct you.

It goes with you when you discarnate,

And returns with you when you incarnate.

It knows it all.

9. You must begin writing immediately

And never stop again.

Write it all,

Every bit of it.

It is not for you.

It is a gift for others you will never know

It is urgent and of supreme importance.

10. All is well.

That is all you really need to know.

11. The later days are saturated with destiny.

We are tired and disappointed and overwhelmed, yet.......

Yet we must gather up our strength, courage, and faith

And allow this destiny

To flame up and illuminate the dark.

12. I missed your call on the cellular

But I received it in the after life all the same.

Please relinquish all sadness

And embrace the enthusiasm and faith of your youth.

You earned it!

I will visit you for forty days.

Pray for me.

13. l was mistaken about 2012

And many other things.

The death throes of humanity

Will be torturously prolonged.

14.The seven deadly sins:

Greed, anger, envy,

Violence, deceit,

lgnorance and self destruction.

God was called merciful

Because he could allow this to exist.

Those caught in the trap

Are oblivious to its irony.

15. Ghosts exist.

I am a ghost.

You stay a ghost for forty days

And then you become a spirit.

Sometimes ghosts go astray

And refuse the work handed to them

For those forty days.

The world is haunted

By millions of them

And their weight drags us down

Like lead boots.

Pray for the dead and a safe passage home.

16. Washing the dishes,

Hoeing the weeds,

Scrubbing the floor,

Going to sleep.

These are all life's little treasures.

Making love,

Holding your child,

Eating a homemade meal,

Chopping wood.

Precious are life's treasures

And the pain of dying,

And the pain in living,

And everything displayed

On the stage of suffering

ls also one of life's little treasures.

Thus sing the liberated and exalted.

17. Continuing on in a really bad situation

And toughing it out

Has the same consequence

As running away from a bad situation.

ln both cases the consequence is suffering.

The suffering is amplified and repeated

lf you chose to run.

These things are fated.

18. The joy of children

Prevents the dark forces

From destroying humanity.

lf their joy dies,

So will we.

Care well for the children.

19. The Greek mysteries taught

That the life of every person

Was being acted out on a stage

For all the world to see.

But the play was written

Long before the performance

By The Fates

20. There are several things that can only cause you harm:

Addiction, obsession,

Fanaticism, judgement,

Anger, and lust.

21. I realized a life of freedom.

But what that freedom is,

Or was,

I cannot say.

Blessed is this freedom,

But more blessed are the laws

That bind us to equilibrium

And the order imposed by nature.

22. Mankind cannot be saved,

Because we are not really damned or lost.

We are humanity

And we do what we do,

That's all.

Like ants, like salmon.

But mankind is capable of really blowing it all the same.

We have a bad record on this score.

Stay out of harms way and avoid crowds.

23, Forgiving cures everything.

Forgive me as I forgive you.

Live your life

With constant and abiding forgiveness.

The Christ Jesus taught us this

And it is good and true.

24. Share it with others.

Your good, the good you reap----

Give it to others.

This feeling of good, of sharing,

ls rapidly falling out of fashion.

The wolves want it all for themselves.

25. There was a time long ago

When neither the sun nor the stars

Were able to rise.

And we survived even that!

Preserve deep hope for a better future.

26. Written history and ancient history

Declares our wounded nature.

But pre-history

Stretches backward forever

Without trauma or wounding.

Generation upon generation

Acting out the wounding = civilization.

27. One must work hard to eradicate noxious weeds.

One must dig them up and burn them roots and all.

War is the most noxious weed of all

And it's roots are rotten black with fear.

28. lf you do one good deed a day,

Very quickly you will exit your dilemma.

Do two or more good deeds a day

And you might avoid future dilemmas

29. Don't mistreat animals or mother nature.

The karma is equal to mistreating people.

Do not mistreat anyone.

30. When you arrive at a moment of clarity

Remember to thank the giver of all things,

Whose abundant heart of union and compassion

Rights all wrongs and cures all suffering.

The angels are depicted with wings

Because they can fly.

You fly away from your body

When you pass over to the eternal light.

31. When you pass over it is like a very strong LSD trip.

You instantly remember the Truth

And wonder incredulously how you could have forgotten.

You are distracted by all the wonders and sights.

Everything is so incredibly beautiful

And this beauty reveals it's mysteries.

Your tears dry very fast in this place.

And what a delirious relief to escape that tired old body!

Oh, and to realize that the part of me

That witnesses and feels

Escaped the death of John,

Never to be diminished or forgotten.

"l am that I am" murmurs everywhere here.

32. We all will die.

It is a wise man indeed who reminds himself of this

Upon the hour he arises

And the hour he goes to sleep.

33. lt is good to pray for others.

Good for them, good for you,

Good even for the green growing things.

All of life is praying in thanks.

I am sure of this.

I can hear everything giving thanks.

34, You have a sacred

And binding obligation

To care for the water.

She is our life

And all life.

The water is sacred.

35. Those photographs of my death troubled you my dear friend,

But think of all the good that shock delivered.

Now, your heart open wide,

Hand obeying heart,

Mind finally "shut up"

And in its place.

All of you look long and hard at these photos.

We are all headed there.

Do not fear death.

Prepare yourselves for death

By lovingly helping others walk that last road.

We will all go gently back home.

36, Kisses are a direct expression of the soul.

You might say kisses are the fingers of the soul.

This begins with nursing.

May you be blessed with the kisses of the soul.

37. When people drum and chant

It can be heard in other dimensions.

Sometimes it can open a door

And joy will pour into your heart from our happy world.

38. The penis is a very dangerous thing.

No wonder the women fear and revere it!

lf you don't master your penis

You will always be its slave.

39. I had my fun

And I paid for it.

Fun is like money,

It comes and it goes.

It's like money in other ways too

And they're not pretty.

I had my mission.

And I paid for that too.

This kind of payment

ls for high rollers only.

The only real winner

ls the house.

Thank God I had plenty of both,

But in the end

They are all only distractions from the truth.

Praise the fathomless truth.

40. Circle up the camp

And light the council fire

And smoke on these things---

Are we sincere enough,

Secure enough,

Brave enough

In our way and our truth?

Circle up in Brotherhood

For it is a good day to die.

41. The Peyote Way

ls a direct gift from Emanuel,

Our Jesus.

Blessing our broken hearted brothers

With the promise of love

And resolution.

The second coming of Jesus is this.

42. Love came and love left

And afterwards there was either

Sadness or anger,

Either numbness or pardon.

The lucky ones take this several steps further

Where love neither comes nor goes,

But rests in her inner sanctum.

Tremendous gratitude prevails

For all who came,

For all who left,

And for all that stays.

43. The angels are not hermaphrodites.

They are actually sexless.

They have no sexual organs.

They can't make babies either.

l've yet to see one baby angel.

Nevertheless, angels exist.

44. The taste of coffee, tobacco, and alcohol

Come back to you when you die

But they are bitter and foul.

You wash your mouth

With pure spring water

And the taste is gone forever.

It is the same for meat and salt.

45. We will watch over our kiva

Until it dissolves in sand

And the last splinter of wood

Turns to dust.

46. When the desert blooms

It does so after years of drought.

It only takes one good rain

And a great desert blooms in diversity.

Remember this well,

For that rain is coming soon,

And she is a female rain.

47. Coyote keeps things from getting boring.

Coyote puts chiles in the stew.

Coyote is cunning when hungry

And careless when fat.

Coyote goes against the grain

Like a stubborn stump you cannot split,

Or like that tortured man upon a cross.

Coyote likes to get it up,

And coyote likes to run.

Coyote likes to sing

And he can charm you with his song.

Coyote spends long nights

Crying to the moon.

Only the moon knows why.

Coyote is a liar,

Don't forget that.

48. There is a grandfather tree in an ancient grove

And he is 3,000 years old.

Standing strong in blizzard and in drought.

Silent witness to the great valley below.

I would like to be remembered like that tree

Standing tall in all kinds of weather,

Witness to grandeur and beauty.

49. ln a cabin in the woods

With my gal

And my pot bellied stove.

Remember me laughing.

Remember my hug.

Remember me beating on the kiva drum.

Offer up cedar for me,

Lots of it

All night long.

50. Going to sleep is just like dying.

Both are necessary

And satisfying.

51. Hang on to your teeth.

You never know how bad

Dentures really are,

Until after they yank out your teeth

And you pay the bill.

This tip applies to many other things in life as well.

52. Acts of charity, kindness and love

Should be our response to the matters at hand.

They are like the sweet oil

Extracted by great pressure and heat.

The pulp from which the oil is extracted

ls lifeless, and cast away.

53. lt is easy to forget.

Make every conceivable effort to remember.

lf you do forget,

Thank God, you will be reminded.

lf you ignore the reminder,

Nothing can save you from the pain.

54. When Jesus cried out "my Lord why have you forsaken me?"

The Lord did not reply.

We are NOT forsaken

For our destiny is the driving force.

Embrace your destiny.

55. lt is difficult to be a good person

ln this epoch of compromises,

Self deceit, laziness, and cowardice.

Yes, all of us are like a sponge

Saturated and laden

With compromises

Self deceit, laziness, and cowardice.

To be a good person in these times

We must wring out that sponge with great force

And dry it out in the presence

Of the life giver Sun.

Only then can the sponge be used

To dry the tears

And the blood of suffering.

56. A herd of elk pass silently

Through the tall pines.

The snow is falling steadily.

They are in their own world

Without witness or comment.

The storm covers their tracks.

The wind masks their scent,

And hides their voices.

Our lives are a lot like this.

57. The Great Cleansing is not a novel or a movie.

It is our flesh confronted with

Spirit manifest and omnipotent.

The Great Cleansing is without beginning or end.

58. lf I could come back and speak with you all for awhile,

I could save you a lot of trouble.

But this trouble is destined.

It would be unfair to save you from this trouble.

What I can say is this:

Do not focus on the daily drama.

Focus on it's roots.

lf the roots are rotten, pull them out.

lf the roots are sound,

They will bear their fruit at the appointed time.

59. Your woman's tears

And your child's embrace

Have much more value

Than your entire life's quota

Of striving and scheming.

The mountain stream is telling a story

Of far greater importance

Than all of the above.

60. The difference between you and me

ls that you are grieving and recalling love

For one person passed away.

But for me, I am grieving

And recalling the love and friendship

Of hundreds of people.

May you be blessed for loving me!

Blessed is the love.

It is our original nature.

It can be found at the axis of all created things.

61. I am going away now

But very shortly I will return.

Perhaps we will meet again.

Perhaps lwill sing with you once again.

Praises to the creator of all things

And for the beauty thus created.

I was born in the spring with the first buds

And I departed at the same time.

Look for me in the springtime.

I will be there like the crocuises in the mountain snow

Or like the new needles of the spruce.

I have cast my seed in far places

Where it can never die.

The winds can tell you of these things.

Praise the winds!

62. Drinking cool mountain water.

This is something I will never forget.

It is something sacred and eternal.

Sitting by the campfire beneath the stars.

This is something I will never forget.

It is something sacred and eternal.

63. A prophet is never respected in his home town.

I was NOT a prophet,

But l was sometimes treated like one.

Humility is hard bought

And prone to flight at the slightest provocation.

Work on being humble,

Leave the dramatic stuff to the prophets.

64. lt was a dove, not an eagle,

That announced dry land to Noah.

And it was a dove, not an eagle,

That announced our Saviors ascension.

Blessed are the children and the meek

For they shall inherit the earth.

65. Adam and Eve

Exist in everyone’s heart and soul.

Every day all of us eat the forbidden fruit

And pay dearly for our rebellion against the laws of Eden.

And yet, Our Mother Eve and our Father Adam

Are divine beings

Eternally with and within us.

Praises to the Mother and the Father of us all

And for the sacred fruit from which we have all partaken.

66. A great war is coming and a great flood.

A great fire is coming and the final test.

We will all be summoned in those days.

67. The watchman,

Should he fall asleep,

Jeopardizes all under his care.

Beware to never fall asleep upon your watch,

You who wait at the gate.

68. The morning star has a song.

Happy are we who sing her song!

69. You can visit with me in your dreams.

Doesn't this tell you something interesting

About where we go when we dream?

70. You won't stop praying for me

Will you?

I need all the help I can get.

71. lf there are any loose ends,

Please take care of them now.

lf there are any last things to say,

Please say them and move on.

There is no more room for doubt,

And there's only one way up.

lf you hide your talents beneath a basket

You will receive even less

Than the crumbs of grace.

lf you deny your vision,

You will never receive it again

A plant cannot live

lf you cut it off from it's roots.

A gentle reminder

That our clan

Need maintain

Friendships---true and lasting,

At Shipolovi and at Red Willow Place.

It is essential

To our survival

And vitality.

72. Creator made man

By blowing his breath

lnto a lump of clay.

The breath is like the Creator.

It is always present,

Functions without thinking,

ls the source of life

And the force of creativity.

Blessed and Holy is the breath of life!

73.

The blue birds are in the junipers.

They are attending a feast.

There is happiness.

And children, and a rainbow.

And then, the female rain arrives.

PART 2: ETERNITY

74. One second of eternity

ls equal to a lot eternity.

Eternity is not 'forever'.

Eternity is timeless,

And ever present everywhere,

And within everything.

You don't 'go to eternity',

You don't' realize eternity',

You don't 'experience' eternity.

Eternity is.

75. The presence of the Mother

ls eternal.

ln this world

The Mother doesn't appear or visit

Or walk around and talk to folks, No

The Mother is everything!

She is the vibrant, radiant

Tissue of all there is.

The Mother permeates

And enlivens everything.

They got it all wrong:-

God isn't a man"

It's a woman.

76. I haven't gone anywhere.

Eternity resides in your cells,

Your atoms,

And the stuff that glues it all together.

I am there-:

As are you.

77. The hell we have brought down

Upon the cows, pigs and chickens

Eclipses the Nazi death camps.

78, Dogs and elephants

Have a far greater capacity

For love

Than do we.

79. Jesus had as much wisdom

And spiritual power

At six years old

As when he was 33 years old.

We should pay attention

To the spiritual maturity

Of children.

It happens all the time.

80. The way things are,

The natural cycles--

Keep with these,

They are the key to vitality.

There are only two forces

At work in life:

Vitality and entropy.

Go for the vital.

81. I can visit anyone I think of,

Dead or alive.

I can visit a hundred friends

All at once,

And speak with each one individually.

This is an open door

Of opportunity

That will close after 40 days.

Celebrate with me

The joy of communion.

82, Don't ask me about the future.

It doesn't exist.

It never existed.

I don't want to dwell on the past.

It is receding

Like the end of a bad cold,

Or a pulled tooth.

Here, we get fixed of the past,

And cured of the future.

Here we love.

83. When you light a candle for me

I can see it and enjoy it's presence.

When you burn cedar for me

I can smell it's perfume.

When you pray for me

I can hear the words of your heart,

And when you think of me,

I am there.

Words are not going to help.

Only the voice of nature can call you

Back to the place where you belong.

Forget all those ideas and plans,

They are headed for the landfill

Like everything else we lay our hands on.

Only the rapids and the thunder

Can explain to you

Why you ache inside.

I must warn you---

There is no turning back!

That option was cancelled

On the day of your birth.

You are here---

It doesn't get any better than that.

And you will be here,

Until the day you are dead.

82. Patience is a cultivated taste.

You can't fix the errors of a lifetime

ln one day.

And you can't fix the problems of humanity

ln one lifetime.

The Creator has eternal patience

And will tend the garden

Until the last speck of dust

ls transformed into radiant light.

Blessed are the patient.

83. The saw cuts into the tree

Revealing hundreds of rings

Circled around a tiny speck

At the center.

One can read these lines,

And they tell a story.

Life is like this.

You cannot read the story

Until the tree is cut down.

84. Do you know why people dance?

The earth commands us to dance,

Her skin stretched tight

And responsive.

She is the drum

And we are the hands.

When we dance

We play the drum of the earth.

When the drum of the earth is sounded

The Stars sing

And happiness is drawn out of the darkness.

Who can know

All the magic of creation?

85. People are speaking of me now---

Remembering moments,

Trying to express love with words.

Dear one

I am able to speak through your hand

Only

Because your heart is like a flute.

A well used, much loved flute

Made of cedar.

I can make this music

Only

Because your heart

ls this flute.

86. What you remember,

I remember as well.

And I remember it

Every time you remember.

What untold treasures

Our hearts guard!

87. My little sutra

ls my gift to my beloveds.

Each couplet

ls a present for one of you.

You'll know which one is yours,

For it will open your heart

And sing.

88. The Heart has a voice

As does the Mind.

The voice of the mind

ls loud and insistent.

The voice of the heart

Listens in silence

To the canticles

Of the trees

Until they appear

Like dew

Upon the grass

And murmur on the wind.

89. 1/3 of your life

ls grist for the mill.

Another 1/3 of your life

ls manure for the garden.

And the other 1/3

Are flowers or thistles.

90. The things that we make

Often live longer than we do.

They have a life of their own.

ln this you can see

That a part of the Creator exists in us.

ln fact, it's what we do best.

Create.

This is what the Creator does.

We are no different.

91. Don't focus on the bullshit.

Some folks focus on it so intensely

That they permanently damage

The way they see the world.

92. You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

Humanity is a mangy old dog.

But a young dog can learn many tricks

And will still perform them

When he is old and barely able to run.

We must teach the young dogs

Some very new tricks.

93. When our mind

ls on other things---

When we are preoccupied,

'Worked up', nervous or worried:

This is Anxiety.

When our mind

ls fixed on an object of desire,

A plan, a roulette wheel, or an idea:

This is Fantasy.

When our mind

Cannot hear our heart,

Nor exit it's conditioning,

Nor stop and calm itself:

This is Suffering.

When our mind

Can't let go of it's anger,

It's frustration, it's scheming,

Or it's judging:

This is Fear.

94. Calm people

Have a calming effect on agitated people.

Stay calm

And everything can be resolved.

95, Jesus walked on water.

Not just any water---

It was stormy waters.

Why are we still impressed?

Well, for one thing

No one's done it since.

lf everyone was walking on water,

Who'd care?

The other curious thing is

Although some believe he did this,

And he suggested we could do so too,

No one is trying this out.

What we are speaking of here

ls faith.

We have lost our faith in magic.

96, We are at the tipping point

Where the vessel

Will spill out its contents.

What is about to be emptied

ls our grip on reality.

The Creator has a remote control,

And when he clicks it,

It's a new channel.

97, The most fragile ones

ln our family of friends

Require our love and attention.

They are the ones

For whom we are here.

98. Beauty is universally

Present in all creation.

lf we are cut off from beauty

We will whither

And die of thirst.

99. The first experience

Of anything,

Leaves the strongest impression.

Lasting lmpressions

Are indelible,

Like tattoos.

100. The Hopi symbol

Of eternal return

ls carved in stone around the world.

So none would forget

The lost worlds of the ancestors of man.

And so that all may hope eternally

For the return of the clans.

101. Nobody does any pontificating here,

Not even the Pope.

The Truth is ringing

Like enormous flutes and drums,

Shattering all thought

And philosophies.

102. Don't you know---

Your breath is a sentient being

With whom you are

ln symbiotic relation.

We are all sharing this being in communion.

This is the breath of life,

A divine and holy being,

Joining all who breathe

Into one breath.

103. Do you remember that

Kind of 'butterscotch' scent

That sometimes comes from the Ponderosa Pine?

Do you remember that eerie sound

When coyote first

Begins to cry?

What, indeed, is not a miracle

ln the Creator's eye?

104. Scratch the surface

And you'll always find something underneath.

Dig deep enough

And you get to the foundation of the thing.

105. There are always

Exceptions to the rules.

Don't underestimate the power of chance.

106. You get seven wishes

On the day you are conceived,

And seven vices.

You get seven choices,

And seven problems,

And seven possible outcomes.

On your day of death

You get seven questions answered,

Seven problems resolved,

And seven vices, hopefully, discarded.

107. Thank the creator for rest.

It's built right into the program.

Don't forget to rest.

The creator is in eternal rest,

And that's where he does his best work.

108. When the Buddha was here

He had a big project

To alleviate the suffering of the world,

Perhaps even to eliminate it.

He preached to

People, cobras and wolves.

When Jesus was here

He had a big project too---

Same thing,

To alleviate or perhaps eliminate

Suffering in the world.

He preached this to

Peasants and lepers and thieves.

When the teaching

Of the elimination of suffering

Comes from the mouths of babes,

And the lips of the dead,

And the song

Of the birds,

Then---

The Morning Star

Will sing

And the spell

Will lose it's sting.

109. My life wasn't a

Bed of roses.

More like a bed of

Thorns and roses.

Roses of white

And roses blood red.

We give thanks

For the roses

And the thorns,

And there l will lay

And take my rest.

PART 3: PRAYER

110. What are you praying for?

ln the sweat lodge,

ln the tepee,

I often heard folks say;

'l pray for Uncle Joe, and Marcy

And Dad who passed away'.

I want to say to those folks;

'Yeah, you pray for Uncle Joe

But what is it you want for him?

Remember to tell the Creator

What you are praying for.

" By now, many of you understand

The terrible truth in the adage--

'Be careful what you pray for'.

You younger guys will have to

Learn this the hard way.

Take, for example, the Bodhisattva Vow.

A little difficult to break that contract.

Or for those who prayed

To know the suffering of Ghrist,

Only to find their flesh tormented

With stigmata,

Or worse,

Much worse.

Pray for the light of illumination to embrace you!

Pray for Love Divine to consume us all!

111. We begin by giving thanks.

We give thanks for “Everything"

This might be a little hard to grasp

But let's just say

We give thanks for the way it is.

112. Pray to outgrow your habits

And to embrace your virtues instead.

lf you remain flexible,

You can live your entire life

With an open mind,

An open heart,

And an open door to Spirit.

113. Creator, we give thanks for all

We've experienced in this life.

The joy, the discoveries, the fear, and the ego.

We give thanks that we share

This experience of life

With uncountable others---

All sentient beings,

From cell to sun.

114. Let us consider prayer

As a form of telepathy.

Let us say,

Prayer is the highest form of telepathy--

Communion.

Let us consider praying to trees,

Praying to mountains,

Praying to the Earth.

Let us consider

Praying in whole new ways.

Let us consider praying as

Good clean fun.

115, You make the prayer

ln your heart---

With the voice of your heart.

You make your prayer aloud

Because the breath of life

ls then charged by the prayer.

The whole of creation

Absorbs, this voice of prayer.

It is good!

116. With our hearts

We pray to the Creator,

And to the Mother;

'Help me find the calmness,

Help me find the balance.

With our hearts we give thanks

For the calmness and the balance

ln everything,

And for everyone.

117. I pray for the well being

Of Praying Mantises, Katydids,

Moths and Fireflies.

I pray for the well being

Of Fox, Badger, and Moose.

I give thanks for the possibilities

And the choices,

And thanks for the hands

And the feet.

I give thanks for everything.

118. My favorite way to pray

ls in a circle

Hand in hand.

Praying together

Heart to heart.

119. There is another

Form of prayer--

lnvocation.

A calling prayer.

We make such prayers

To summon help

And guidance.

You invoke me

When you look at my photo

On your altar--

lnvoking communion.

120. You probably don't realize it,

But everyone of us

ls standing on the edge of the earth.

Spinning like the wind

With the stars whirling around.

It's a miracle

We don't just fly off

Our footing

And careen into space.

There are so many miracles on Earth,

They cannot be counted.

We give thanks for these things.

121. Pray for Direction.

This is so often lacking.

We drift along

Like a stick tossed in the rapids,

For better or worse,

Without oars, rudder, or anchor.

We were delivered with a set of instructions

But nobody could read that language.

Prayer,

ls hard to cram into language.

122. We were born with

Sophisticated re-chargeable batteries,

Good for a lifetime.

But if you don't charge those batteries

With the current,

They run out.

Dead.

Stay connected and charged up

Every day.

123. Up there

With the barberry, the osha,

And the elk.

That's a good place to pray.

Build a fire.

Burn some cedar.

Alone.

Quiet.

124. Praying at dawn

ls effortless.

The whole world is re-created

Every day at dawn.

This is why the birds are singing

In prayer.

This is why the dew

Appears upon the leaves,

Like the.tears of a good prayer.

125. Then there are the .

Cleansing prayers.

Prayers to clean up the mess.

Fix things up,

Make things better.

Lots of things need cleansing prayers

But rarely receive them:

Toxic landfills,

Massacre sites,

Man made scars in the earth,

Creatures on the brink of extinction,

Lunatics locked up in asylums.

The prisons,

The cities,

The icecaps.

We pray for the Great Cleansing.

This is the ultimate prayer.

We pray for the Great Cleansing.

126. Pray for your mother

For surely she has prayed for you.

And pray for your father,

For he surely has forgotten how.

And pray for your brothers and sisters,

For they are often shepherded about

Like vast herds of cattle.

127. lf I had a dollar

For every intuition I ignored,

I would have been able to put on a fancier party

At my funeral.

lntuition is also

A form of prayer---

Only you are the one

Receiving the call.

The angels praise intuition

Above all other graces.

Let us pray

For intuition

To come calling.

128. I knew l'd have to get to this one eventually..-

Prayers of despair.

This prayer always gets answered

And quickly.

But only the pure of heart

Can bear to hear the answer.

When you get to Spirit,

You really grow up.

Without prayers of despair

It all would have ended long ago.

And really,There's never a shortage

Of this kind of prayer.

The dark powers

Like to mock these prayers,

But they are pure

And incorruptible.

129. Alcohol is like

Novocain for the soul.

It is a poison.

We pray for the millions

Deluded on that crooked path of woe.

We pray for release

From the barbed wire

Grip of the bottle.

130. The Pilgrimage

ls a prayer as well.

lf you haven't made a pilgrimage,

You have missed one of life's

Secret treasures.

The pilgrim is in a state

Of perpetual prayer,

Tempered by the elements

And amplified by nature.

One is accompanying others

On a pilgrimage--

We are all praying

You might say death

ls also a pilgrimage.

131. PRAYER FOR SAFE PASSAGE:

'Oh Comforter

And Guiding Light!

Please give me,

And all sentient beings,

Safe Passage

When we cross frontiers---

Be they of the living

Or of the dead.

Safe passage for travelers

On the Road of Life

And on that other road too.

Safe passage for the new arrivals

And for the recently departed.

Safe passage through the change and the ever new.

132. Prayers on the battlefield

Are the saddest prayers of all.

Some prayers must go unanswered.

133. PRAYER FOR THE ANIMALS:

First,

We pray for forgiveness.

For what has passed between us

Has often caused you harm.

Second,

We pray to return

To your folds.

One of the many mammals

Walking the earth.

Third,

We pray for your survival

And good will.

We pray for the balancing of things.

Fourth,

We pray for your wisdom.

For all of you

Have found a way

To live in balance

As the Creator ordained.

We pray for the animals.

134. PRAYER FOR RAIN:

'Every cloud,

Even a tiny one,

ls a cloud person.

We all know

They make the rain.

We pray to the cloud people

To rain upon us and our fields.

To pray for rain

ls to pray for a blessing,

For rain prayers

Are blessing prayers.

135. PRAYER FOR WATER;

'We pray for the well being

Of all waters.

The billion year old water

Hidden from us

Deep in the earth,

The waters of all the oceans,

All the waters in the sky.

All the springs,

And all the serpents winding

Down creeks,

Rivers, and canyons.

We pray for the well being

Of the mother of all life,

Our sustenance,

Our life giver.

We pray for the water's purity.

We pray to maintain it's purity.

136. lf all six billion of us

Prayed with all our hearts

For help,

We would receive it for sure.

This is what it's gonna take.

So please,

Begin this prayer for help

Right now.

Don't stop!

We pray for help.

137. The water in the stream

ls praying,

As are the rushes

And the wren.

138. Sometimes prayer

Starts to fly

And becomes song.

My God!

When we sing from our heart

How fine and good we sing.

When we sing our prayers

Nothing will remain

Unaffected.

Praise the psalms of the heart.

Praise the Creator of All.

139. SWEETGRASS PRAYER:

I pray on you with sweetgrass

That you might find your strength.

That you may play your part.

That you may get along

With a smile and a story and a song.

I pray on you with sweetgrass

That your dearest memories

Will be offered up

On the final day,

And seen for what they truly are---

The longing of the soul

For the sweet return to unity.

I smell the fragrance

Of the sweetgrass

And it carries me away

To other times.

Pray on the sweetgrass

For the beautiful and good.

140. When you are born

You are cared for.

Same thing when you pass over---

You are cared for.

We give thanks for the care we receive.

ln the Creator's wisdom

Things are as they should,

And all are cared for.

141. To remember your friends

ln prayer

ls to safeguard them

ln your heart.

Pray for your friends;

What goes comes around goes around.

We give thanks for friendship--

Something that transcends

Life and death.

142. lf you see suffering

Don't scowl,

Don't wrinkle your nose,

Don't turn away.

Pray.

Pray for the end of all suffering.

PART FOUR: UNDERSTA NDING

143. When we say

'He is an understanding person',

We mean, compassionate.

When a friend understands us

Our level of respect goes up.

We have an lnner Self,

And man,

It really understands us!

And the onlyway

Humanity can understand itself

ls through this lnner Self.

Understanding this

ls the key that unlocks

The Mysteries.

144. The Mysteries

Are what we forgot,

But then remembered.

An endless cycle

Of forgetting and remembering.

Understanding the Mysteries

Will liberate the sons of man.

145. Understanding our situation

ls the first step toward changing it.

Understanding the cause of our illness

ls the beginning of the cure.

Understanding who we really are

Starts the process of self actualization.

And understanding the emptiness

Within everything,

Opens the door of self realization.

I

146. Understandrng something

ls to be it.

Want to understand your wife?

Be like her;

When you understand her point of view,

You can begin

The fine art of communication.

Understanding something

ls to merge with it.

Want to understand a tree?

Grab hold of one

And hold on tight

For an hour or so.

Understanding something

Allows for pure communication.

Understanding something

lnspires you to care about it.

To love.

May we all cultivate

The fine art of Understanding

ln everything we do.

Understanding ls a transformative experience.

147. lmagine this;

That each one of our minds,

ln all it's complexity,

(and all the minds of every creature who has one),

ls actually but a single cell

ln a much larger mind.

(l'm sure Aurobindo or Nietzsche said it better).

The Greater Mind

ls a living repository

Of Understanding.

The Greater Mind

Of Understanding

ls hardwired into ours.

This is one of the fundamental features

Built into each human---

The power to Understand.

148. Why am I telling you all this?

Because I am,

At this very moment,

On a tremendous Odyssey

Of Understanding.

Kind of like developing film

And watching the image

Appear on the paper

Beneath the surface of the water.

149. We can write one long history

Of our life when we die.

But as we go through

The transformation of Understanding,

This history goes through a series

Of ruthless re-writes

Until the true story

Stands naked and alone

It's like sifting sand

For gold specks.

You know they are there,

But they sure are tiny!

Please try to Understand.

150. The Ancestors

Kept things simple.

Understanding

Begins with the fundamentals.

The four elements.

The four directions.

The foundation.

We need only understand

The Foundation

And we can then understand

All that the foundation supports.

151. When I have completely understood

My life

It will be time to forget it.

Two things happen here

Frequently.

One remembers something.

And one forgets something.

152. I suspect

I am still

ln the Land of Dreams---

In transit,

On a mission,

And being called.

I sense this so strongly--

Being called.

153. Our whole life has been

An indoctrination

lnto answers.

No,

Understanding is not valued in these times.

We value answers.

The unclean

Have many answers

And no understanding.

Beware if you serve or obey

The unclean.

They will kill your joy

With their answers.

154. Understanding in it's purest form

ls Love.

Self illuminating love.

Understanding is the heart opener,

And the mind silencer.

Understand this:

With heart open

One receives

The Understanding of All.

155. Understanding

Comforts us,

Liberates us,

Strengthens us.

Too bad it

Can't be broadcast

On TV

Or piped into

The water supply,

Or memorized by school children.

Understanding

ls pricey..-

It can cost you

All you have.

It's worth it.

156. Remember how I said

'We are at the tipping point',

And how l said

'What we are pouring out

ls our grip on reality'?

What comes next

ls the filling of the empty vessel

With pure, fresh

Understanding.

What comes next

Begins with individuals,

And grows into

A New World.

157. Understand this:

lf you are confused or unhappy

You must first understand why,

And in the why

You will find the exit

Of your problem.

158. Understand this:

There are spiritual

And natural

Powers of good

That are transformative

And healing.

You can call them into understanding.

159. The original wounding of humanity

Was Starvation.

We faced this so many times

That we attempted to re-create the world,

And rewrite the laws of nature

In order to avoid Starvation.

Here, in this wound,

We must come to Understanding.

All the problems of humanity

lssue from this open wound.

You who read these words,

Understand this: You incarnated to understand this wound,

And to heal it.

You have all,

Everyone of you,

Succeeded in your task and it is good.

160. FROM CORINTHIANS 13:1

"Set your mind on the higher gifts....

Though I have

The Power of Prophecy,

To penetrate all mysteries and knowledge,

And although I have all the faith

To move mountains,

lf I am without love,

I am nothing".

Understanding love

ls the great legacy of mankind.

We are allowed to understand love.

It is the keystone to our foundation.

Mankind! Be careful!

We can lose our legacy.

161. When will it all end,

You ask?

Understanding the laws of nature

And submitting to them

Will end the suffering

And heal the wound.

Where are we all going,

You ask.

We are all headed for our inevitable fate.

Sometimes the truth

ls simple and obvious.

You know where

We all are going

When the dust settles,

And the Morning Star sings,

The female rain will fall

And wash us clean.

You will be dancing on that day.

You will remember everything.

You will be at peace.

On this you have my word.

162. I saw a bumper sticker once

That said "don't believe everything you think".

Only those

Who have lived a full life

Can appreciate those words.

Your mind will trip you up

Every single time.

Understand this:

Understanding

Has absolutely nothing to do with

Thought.

163. ln the afterlife

You are stripped of all pretensions---

Beliefs, for example.

Needs, for example.

ln the afterlife

You are given a new set of eyes,

And your heart returns

To it's original purity.

And yes, my old friend,

ln the afterlife

You become reacquainted

With a circle of old friends.

I will wait for you

ln that circle of friends.

We will pray for you,

That you may receive

The gift of Understanding.

We will stand over your shoulder

And see it all.

And on the day you return

We will all embrace

ln joy and reunion.

164. May the joy

That is swelling in my heart,

Like the wind in the sails

Of a clipper ship--

May that joy touch you

And never let go again.

Love and Joy,

May this be your Understanding,

And your Give Away.

It is said.

It was done.

It is good.

165. I am no longer

Experiencing regrets,

Or remorse,

Or nostalgia.

My beautiful tears

Have congealed

lnto radiant gems

Scattered on the path

That stretches

lnto the Unknown.

We are always

Moving into the Unknown.

We are afloat

ln it's ocean.

166. Nobody's mentioned anything

About Heaven or Hell yet.

I'm sure they're around somewhere.

I know where I'm going!

I'm going into

The' Deep Understanding.

I am going there

Happy as you ever saw me,

And utterly without fear.

Please come along--

We are not parted

167. I know I am unable to say goodbye.

How can one say goodbye to the sacred?

I will say, instead,

'See you around'.

I am just around the corner

And I will always be your friend.

168. lt had to end this way.

That's the way it was written.

All things interconnected,

And one thing leading to the next.

Understand This !

We don't turn into ashes

And we don't turn into dust.

We turn into Mother Earth.

Everything is recorded

And all the good is salvaged,

And all the ill is consumed.

And nothing is discarded.

lndeed, it is enshrined

As Pure, Holy, and Good.

Aho, Thank you. 

----

Briana Cavion, MA, MAnlp

Briana is a Communication and Relationship Coach for WholeLife Neuro-Linguistic Programing (wholelifenlp.com). She and her clients get real about what is working (and not) in their careers and relationships. She has been described as having a "magical" way of helping her clients identify and release what has been slowing them down, stopping them and sabotaging their communication and relationships. Together they journey to discover personal power, soulful leadership and authentic communication. She works from the premise that life is not about one goal achieved after another, or one relationship onto the next, but an incredible opportunity to create the truest expression of your highest purpose, greatest impact and deepest gifts.