5 Tools for Radical Responsibility
Radical Responsibility is THE MOST powerful way to live.
It allows us to create the MOST BEAUTIFUL, most connecting, most CLEAR relationships possible.
It means leaving nothing in the dark, and allowing all of your truth to come forward, while also being curious about others and their version of the truth.
Radical Responsibility means becoming a conscious creator of your life, and not WATING for others to lead you.
Radical Responsibility requires that you speak and listen from love, and from the presupposition that everyone is doing their best, given their current scenario and, that the answer exists between people found in open, curious, conversation, not derived from the mandate in one person.
This is the practice of SHARED LEADERSHIP, rather than any of the hierarchies that no longer serve us as humanity, today.
Radical Responsibility is how we work with our Tribe, our children, our clients/students/mentees, our family & our friends.
Agreements - To know what’s on the table
5 Point Feedback - When something’s gone awry with the agreements
Requests - How to Ask for what you want
Acknowledgment & Recommitments - How to create gratitude & make amends for when you’re out of integrity
Clearing Conversations - How to share something uncomfortable or when you have gotten activated
We do not do “expectations” - which are stories made up in the mind about what is supposed to happen.
We do Agreements - written, and mutually understood offerings and sharings that allow us to be on the same page.
If you find yourself “expecting” something from our relationship, it would be a good time to ask questions, get curious, and go back to our original, written agreements to see what is actually in place for the parameters of what we are creating.
For more on Expectations vs. Agreements, click here for a gift audio ~
Feedback is a powerful way to give and request a 360* view of your reality.
When giving feedback:
May I offer you some feedback about ______ ? Would you mind giving me feedback about ______? (Make sure it is a good time for them and for you!)
What is working (what you love) -
What you notice (an innocent bystander’s point of view) -
The Story you are making up about it (your perspective) -
What you’d like to see more of/How you’d like to move forward (not always necessary) -
May I offer you some feedback about ______ ?: I would love to find a time that works for both of us to get on the phone to talk about ______. These times work for me, what works for you? Feedback is intimate, and beautiful. Make sure both you and the receiver are ready for this ceremony.
What is working: I am loving our 1x1 time. Start with a baseline of what is working for you.
What you notice: I notice that I am getting off track in the group conversations because I don’t know what is going on. This is not about JUDGEMENT, this is rather about what you can see, hear, sense, smell or taste.
The Story you are making up: Is that you are unorganized and have not given us something to follow. This is when you get to express your judgment/ aka the story that you are making up about the things you are noticing.
What you’d like to see more of/How you’d like to move forward: I’d love to have more structure to our group conversations, specifically with a written outline of what we are covering today. This piece is not ALWAYS required, but is helpful for the person recieeving feedback of how you would like to proceed.
When requesting feedback for yourself:
Know that you get to receive the 5-points of feedback when requesting.
Ask for feedback from someone you trust.
Honor that feedback is THEIR PERSPECTIVE, not the ultimate truth.
The more feedback you can receive, the better of a 360* view you will have on what you are creating.
NEEDS are what you get to create for yourself. Basic safety, food, shelter, and connection.
DESIRES are what you WANT to create outside of basic needs. Desires are what you bring to ANY and ALL relationships.
THE ONLY WAY TO GET YOUR DESIRES MET is through REQUESTS.
Requests are direct, personal, and include ways of measuring if that request was made or not.
A REQUST IS:
** DIRECT AND CLEAR
** PERSONAL - directed at the person you would like to see taking action
** MEASURABLE- you can see, hear, taste, or smell if that request has been made
Would you please post an outline from our previous conversation?
Could you please include more prayers in our online forum?
Are you able to walk me through the outline so I understand it better?
Would you be open to some feedback?
Could we have a conversation about how I am lost in this part of the GrowthWork?
I would love to get more coaching here, can we speak soon?
The best way to get AMAZING at this is to make as many RADICAL REQUESTS as you can, a day!
Go out! Have fun!
Ask for what you desire!!
4. Acknowledgements & recommitments
Acknowledgements are TWO-FOLD
-1- CELEBRATIONS & GRATITUDE
-2- When you are not able to live up to your INTEGRITY (your word)
Acknowledge means to POINT OUT WITH CLEAR WORDS
We acknowledge when someone has followed through with their word and we want to celebrate them!
We acknowledge when someone has completed a task they set as their goal!
We acknowledge when we would like to create acknowledgment for ourselves!
Out of Integrity & How to Recommit
When I said I Would do something, BY WHEN, IF I am not able to complete it, I go through a 2-part process
1. I acknowledge that I said I would complete ____ by ______. I am not able to do so.
List out all that you said you would do/how you would be, and by when. This is NOT the time for the story, reason, or the WHY’s of why you couldn’t complete this. It is SIMPLY an acknowledgment.
2. RECOMMIT - Moving forward I commit to complete _____ by _______
What are you willing to complete, and what is the new ‘by when’ date?
5. CLEARING CONVERSATIONS
This is another process of acknowledgment, but specifically when you have been out of integrity for a period of time, or if someone has crossed a boundary for you, OR something just feels off.
REQUEST: Is this a good time for me to clear something with you? I would like to share my perspective, then I would like to hear how this moves you.
GIVE: what your -
NOTICE (what ANYONE could perceive with their 3D senses,
What I heard, What I saw, What I smelt, What I tasted, What I felt (not feelings, but sensations - like a cold wind, or a warm blanket).
THE STORY YOU ARE MAKING UP ABOUT IT.
From what you noticed, what is the narrative that you have begun to create. The story you are making up could be TRUE or could be way off. Be open to both.
PAUSE: Allow them to receive you fully. When you are complete say, “I am complete. I would like to hear anything you would like to say now.”
OPEN: Give them a chance to say how this impacts them. They may offer forgiveness, an explanation, or whatnot. Our objective here is not to get them anywhere, but give yourself an opportunity to CLEAR.
CLOSE: Share anything that is left. Close this time together with gratitude, thanks for their listening, thanks for your sharing & thanks for coming together to create more peace and connection in this world!
We love you!
THANK YOU for being on this journey with us!